


Dissonance

by timehopper



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Actually Axel/Roxas disguised as Riku/Sora/Kairi, F/M, Implied Past Axel/Roxas, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-25 23:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7551436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timehopper/pseuds/timehopper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He loves Kairi and Riku more than anything else in the world. And yet he still yearns for more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dissonance

**Author's Note:**

> A quick exploration of Sora's feelings about his friends, coloured by Roxas's feelings for Axel.

It is months after they return home that Sora kisses Kairi for the first time.

He's shy, at first, hesitant; but she smiles when he pulls away and leans in for a second, then a third, and soon they are laughing and crying and falling over each other on to the sand, gazing up at the paopu fruit dangling from the trees. Sora knows, then, that he's home.

He loves everything about Kairi. He loves the way she laughs, the way she stares out at the ocean when she's thinking, the way her eyes light up when he and Riku appear on her doorstep. He loves Kairi's kindness, her bravery, her loyalty and devotion. He loves the softness of her skin, the deep, dark blue of her eyes, the curve of her body as she stands on her toes to push a strand of hair out of Riku's face.

But he loves her hair most of all. He loves its colour; loves the way it catches the light; loves the way it sways behind her as she runs along the beach. It's red, it's beautiful, it's familiar; he feels like he could look at it forever. And Sora doesn't know where he learned this, but one day when he sees Kairi silhouetted against the sunset, he reaches out and plays with a strand of her hair and tells her why the sun sets red. She laughs and kisses him and Sora forgets all about the sunset and the yearning in his heart and the feelings that are not his.

When he looks at her after, laying on her side, eyes closed and the smallest smile playing about her lips, Sora always thinks this is the happiest he will ever be, and that she is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. He likes to play with her hair as she drifts off (her wonderful, wonderful red hair), and he loves the way she sighs in her sleep as he does. 

But sometimes she isn't enough. Sometimes he just needs more. Craves it. He craves something different, something fierce and jagged and powerful in all the ways Kairi can't be. She is soft and loving and gentle, but it is not enough. Not always. And for when it isn't, he finds Riku.

Riku gives Sora what Kairi can't, although Sora can see the hesitation in Riku's eyes when they're together. He holds back, afraid to hurt his friend (no not just his friend not his best friend his lover), but Sora bites and pulls and tells him that he needs this, needs Riku to be rough, needs Riku to hurt him, and with enough coaxing Riku does; he bites and scratches and sucks and tugs at Sora, pulling him further and further from his thoughts and closer and closer to the only thing that will fill the strange gaping void in him, but never, ever close enough.

And when they're finished, Sora will smile at Riku and tell him he loves him, that he was perfect, and Riku will touch his face and kiss him slowly, longingly, like he's afraid this is the last time he'll ever get the chance, like he's afraid one day Sora's light will outshine him and Sora will disappear. But Sora will never leave. Riku and Kairi are all he wants, he tells himself, and they're all he needs. 

And yet sometimes, in the dead of night, sandwiched between his two best friends' naked forms on the bed, he'll still feel empty. He'll close his eyes and dream of fire, of the sunset, of darkness and of light. He'll dream of red hair and green, green eyes, closing for the last time as the flames go out around him. And every night he'll wake and turn to Riku and hold him close, or take Kairi's hand and bury his face in her hair. They'll wake and tell him it's fine, he's okay, it was just a dream. They'll kiss him and hold him until he calms down, until he feels like himself again.

He loves Riku and Kairi more than anyone else in the world. They are all he needs.

He loves them.

But they are still not Axel.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this and are interested in seeing more or even just having a chat, feel free to contact and/or follow me on twitter [@tim3hopp3r](https://twitter.com/tim3hopp3r) or my [personal tumblr](http://therealhousewivesofhyrule.tumblr.com/).
> 
> I also have a [writing blog](https://intim3ate.tumblr.com) where I post progress, WIPs, and take requests. Please check that out if you'd like to see more!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and supporting me. ♥


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